“Have no fear of perfection— you’ll never reach it.” - Salvador Dali
After 12 years of studying the cello and striving for perfection in classical music, I found myself depressed and burnt out. Music had lost its meaning and magic. Music had been beaten into submission with exams and juries and the conservatoire environment. The cello has always been a place of refuge, but after so much time in higher education, I felt the connection slipping away.
In 2020, I committed to rediscovering the parts of myself I neglected during my music studies. I began to read Black Feminist literature, I connected with my body through yoga and martial arts, I picked up my camera and examined my point of view. I also leaned heavily into my love of improvisation, and from this blossomed a love for imperfection.
When I improvise, I never really know what I’m going to play. I may have an idea of a starting point, such as “maybe I’ll start with pizz” or “I think I’ll tap the string with the wood of my bow”, but where I go from there is a mystery to both myself and whoever is listening. Music does not have to be perfect, and sometimes it’s more enjoyable when it isn’t, because it’s Human.
In a time of racial inequity, civil unrest, a viral pandemic, and disassociation from anything Other, music in all its imperfection is there to remind me of my humanity.